The Other Potioneer
by LoonyLoopyLupin96
Summary: Sirius is sure Remus has a partner. What lengths will he go to to get the truth? But then, there's a reason Sirius isn't known as the best potioneer... It's another of his plans - something's sure to go wrong.
1. Chapter 1

"Come on Rem, just tell me – I won't laugh," Sirius begged for about the fifteenth time that day.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Sirius," Remus said again, still not meeting Sirius' eyes.

"What was it you were saying earlier about trust and lies, Rem? Tell me the truth."

Remus was torn – he didn't want to say anything about his romantic affairs, but he didn't want to lie, either.

He settled for, "I'm not saying anything, Sirius, and let that be an end to it."

Looking somewhat smug at having this confirmation, Sirius scurried out of the portrait hole and away.

"What's happening now?" James said; a look of excitement filling his face by default, as Sirius had rushed past him.

"Nothing," Remus answered; a faint flush filling his cheeks as he wondered what Sirius had in store.

* * *

"Sirius Black?"

The class looked around as Sirius' name was called amidst the register.

Remus frowned. At the back of their potion's classroom, Sirius was bent over a cauldron, looking rather intrigued; his mind far away from the classroom around him.

"Mr Black – I understand your apparent excitement, my boy, but can out of class potions be saved until we are 'out of class'?" Professor Slughorn asked him; no trace of anger in his voice at all. Merely wonder.

"Sorry, Sir," Sirius replied, skimming through a book before shutting it as he looked up and caught Remus' eyes on him.

Remus was somewhat abashed. Never in the history of time, had Sirius apologised for disrupting a lesson. Ever. There was something major going on – there had to be.

As he turned to look back at the front, Remus' eyes met Severus'. They offered one another a small smile, before Severus was nudged back to attention by a fellow Slytherin.

'If only he knew...' Remus thought, glancing back over to where Sirius was checking on his cauldron again.

"Can I have your essays?" Professor Slughorn asked them, flicking his wand as half a dozen essays flew his way. He overlooked the essays that had not come from his own house, and instead fixed his eyes once more, upon Sirius.

"Mr Black, I was under the impression I asked you to leave that until afterwards," he said, still smiling, "What is so important?"

Sirius' smug look faltered, "I just...Can I do this part, and then it can be left to stew, Sir?"

Professor Slughorn nodded, "I can see you pay attention in your classes, Mr Black, knowing the correct place to stop, when asked."

He then went back to his desk to organise work, muttering about missing out on having the entire Black family in his house.

* * *

Severus' head suddenly whipped around.

Various people cast him a questioning look.

"Sirius, are you sure that potion is okay?" Remus asked Sirius, knowing that expression upon Severus' face – it was the one he wore when Remus had messed up a potion, as per usual.

"Never you worry, my furry friend, never you worry," Sirius replied, slapping a hand to Remus' shoulder as he sat down beside him.

Severus looked sceptical – he of course knew that there was a mistake in the potion, but seemed in no rush to point that out. The sceptical expression turned to one of disgust as he saw Sirius' arm still upon Remus'.

Seeing this, Remus shuffled a little until Sirius' arm fell down.

This action only made Sirius even happier, and so he went on to scan the class – correctly assuming that Remus' so-called 'partner' was in this room.

Remus groaned, tearing his gaze away from Severus' somewhat mechanical stature, and focusing on the lesson at hand, trying to appear innocent.

* * *

"So, are you going to tell me who it is?" James asked Remus as they sat for lunch.

"Not you too..." Remus sighed, shaking his head in exasperation.

"What's this about you having a girlfriend Remus?" Lily said, sitting beside him as she usually did at lunch.

A girlfriend.

Remus worked hard to swallow, as opposed to choking upon his pumpkin juice. As it was, his eyes watered slightly with the force.

They thought he had a girlfriend.

"Whoa," Remus coughed as someone smacked a hand to his back.

"So, tell us then. Who is she?" James prompted once again.

"Where is Sirius?" Remus asked, trying to distract them.

"Seeing to his potion. Now, don't avoid the question. Who is it?" James answered, taking them back to the matter at hand.

Seeing to the potion. Again.

"Forget about it," Remus answered him eventually, before taking a hesitant sip of his drink.

Remus scanned the room, hoping to see a certain person. Lily discretely followed his gaze, unbeknown to Remus, and so – as Severus' eyes met Remus' (and Lily's, by default) he looked away, somewhat surprising to Remus.

"I'm going to the...library," Remus lied easily, standing up and deserting his food. With a quick jerk of his head, he motioned for Severus to join him.

"I'll be back later – got another...Potions...essay to do," Remus confirmed.

"Get help from Sirius, he seems to be serious about that these days," James said with a shrug, relishing in the idea of being left alone with Lily.

Remus merely nodded in agreement, before leaving them discussing the possibility that 'Sirius was always Sirius – serious.'

* * *

"Great," Sirius said aloud to the empty classroom, swirling his wand through the potion once more.

He checked the instructions to see if he was absolutely ready. It didn't smell as they'd described – a little too strong, but he put that down to the age of the Boomslang skin, and went on to pouring the content of the cauldron into a goblet.

"Here goes," Sirius said aloud, eyeing the potion with an eager, though nervous vehemence.

Sirius poured the potion into his now open throat.

Simultaneously, Remus was thinking;

'What has Sirius got planned now?'


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius coughed slightly, dropping the goblet down beside him as he did so. Screwing up his face, he made sure to clear his mouth of the vile substance that had just slipped down his throat.

"Revolting," he gasped, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, and reaching for a clean goblet.

He walked over to where he had deposited his wand, and muttered a spell. Instantly, water filled the goblet before him.

As the instructions had said nothing about whether or not it was okay to eat or drink afterwards, Sirius went right ahead and poured the water into his mouth.

Before each droplet was consumed, Sirius' hands began to shake.

He frowned to himself, and set down the goblet.

Sirius winced, clutching at the desk before him, as he felt the transformation take place within him.

A mental note passed through his mind that this was easier than his first transformation as a dog, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable.

"Remus, my dear boy, what are you doing in here?" Professor Slughorn's voice came from the doorway.

Please that the experiment had gone all right, Sirius turned to look at the teacher.

"I was looking f-" a distant part of Sirius' mind was aware he still sounded a great deal like himself, and so he coughed, and put on the voice he often used when imitating Remus.

"Just looking for Sirius, Professor," Sirius commended, picking up the two goblets and his wand, and making his way over to the door.

"He'll have left now," Slughorn said; a frown forming on his face.

"What is it, Sir?" Sirius (as Remus) asked politely, in an attempt to maintain his Remus-likeness, although worried that he had done something wrong with the experiment.

"Are you feeling quite well?" he asked.

Feeling nervous, Sirius merely nodded, "Why?"

"It's just...you seem to be losing a great deal of weight," Professor Slughorn noted, with a pointed look at the Remus figure wore, although still wearing Sirius' much larger robes.

"Oh...I...I'm fine, Sir, honestly," Sirius muttered, retreating.

Once outside the class, Sirius withdrew his wand and muttered yet another spell, in an attempt to shrink his robes, slightly.

"What the..." the robes then grew too short for Remus' body.

Trying again, Sirius began to grow frustrated as the robes became either too large, or too small.

Shaking his head, Sirius made his way to the library – the best place to be if you were pretending to be Remus – in his much too large attire.

"Remus?" came a voice in the opposite direction as Sirius (still as Remus) rounded a corner to the library.

Disgust poured over Remus' face, as Sirius noticed the incomer; Severus.

"Snivellus," Sirius mumbled with distaste.

Severus frowned slightly at what appeared to be Remus' expression, thus reminding Sirius who he was, and urging him to control his expression.

"Severus," Sirius said aloud, making a smile break over Severus' face.

This shocked Sirius more than anything, but he forced himself to walk on.

Never before had he seen Severus smile; though of course, why Severus would smile when Sirius was in the vicinity, was a very obvious thing.

On another point, why would Severus be smiling so, when seeing Remus?

"You're late," Severus noted.

Playing along, whilst many questions were roaming through Sirius' mind, Sirius nodded.

"Sorry," he began; the word burning his mouth at the one it was addressed at, "I got..caught up."

Severus nodded, still friendly, "It's all right, I'm aware how hard it is to escape the lions."

Sirius laughed aloud at Severus' joke, realising too late, that it was a very un-Remus thing to do. As he realised this, however, he realised what Severus meant: Remus had been escaping the Gryffindors for something.

"Shall we..." Sirius suggested with a nod to the library.

"I thought you'd never ask," Severus said. He reached out to take Remus' (although it was Sirius') hand.

A startled Sirius gradually became aware of the situation, but went along with it, hating himself more and more each moment.

"Do you know what Black is brewing?" Severus asked casually with a sneer.

Surprised to be in the conversation, Sirius improvised in regard to how he thought Remus would respond, by saying, "You know I don't know anything about Potions, Severus."

Accepting this; relieving Sirius slightly, Severus nodded, "True, but I thought he might have told you anyway."

Sirius only shook his head.

Severus seemed to hesitate before continuing, "Well...whatever it is, be careful about it."

"What do you mean?" Sirius (as Remus, of course) asked instantly.

"There's something not right with it..I could smell it," Severus noted.

Sirius' mental retort went something along the lines of, 'with a nose your size, it'd be hard not to,' but in reality, Sirius froze mid-step, his hand still in Severus'.

"What will happen?" Sirius asked, panicked.

"Don't worry, love," Severus said softly, not wishing to converse about 'Black' with Remus.

Naturally, Sirius' worry was growing.

Sensing this, Severus removed his hand from Remus', and brushed it along his cheek.

Sirius remained still, sure that this was the right thing to do; his thoughts miles away.

Sirius had thought he would be prepared for many things.

Which he was.

But what he was not prepared for, was Severus' lips on his.

Their lips conjoined in unison; Severus cold, thin ones, against those of Remus; soft, yet unprepared and frozen due to Sirius' shock.

Sirius' shock was nothing, of course, to that of Remus' as he stood in the doorway of the library...


	3. Chapter 3

Because now...now Sirius looked like himself again.

And Remus had no idea what he had just stumbled upon.

Oblivious, Severus brought his hand up to rest on Remus' shoulder. As he did so, a slight frown formed on his face.

Sirius, on the other hand, was still stood in apparent shock. Somehow his own hand had found Severus' waist, and he mentally noted how exceptionally slim the other boy was. Unhealthily so.

The real Remus was, of course, about as skinny as Severus; hence the reason Severus had frowned. For the shoulder he had grasped was firm and muscular. Not the usual bony being he was used to.

"What the...?" Severus said, tearing himself away from Sirius.

Sirius froze; his eyes open.

"Black," Severus spat, wiping his mouth and flushing furiously as the events became increasingly evident.

Remus, however, was slowly but surely making his way into the library, over to them.

As the realisation of the situation hit Sirius, he turned to the usual demeanour he usually greeted Severus with. Some form of rude hand gesture.

Severus opened his mouth to mutter a spell as he went to draw his wand, but stopped as he looked over Sirius' shoulder.

"Remus," Severus began carefully, unsure of whether he wanted 'Black' as his audience for this.

Sirius spun around instantly to see Remus coming up to them both.

"'Tending to a potion,' I was told," Remus began quietly.

"Remus, I had no idea it was him," Severus went on urgently. Pleading, almost.

"You're with him?!" Sirius demanded of Remus, who just nodded slightly.

The three of them appeared to be having their own conversations. None of which the others were picking up on.

"Polyjuice potion," Severus proclaimed.

"Stalking me, are you Snivellus?" Sirius spat, whirling to face Severus again, "Having one Marauder, so you thought you'd try it with the rest?"

Severus grew angry. Not only angry but hurt at the fact that Remus appeared to be swallowing Sirius' words; one by one.

"You know it wasn't like that," Severus said darkly; a low cold voice.

Sirius mocked astonishment, "So what else was it, then?"

"It was a hell of a lot more-" Severus began, but stopped; his eyes, once again, over Sirius' shoulder.

"It was more, was it?" Sirius taunted, "Say that to both of us, do you?"

Remus had slowly and quietly walked away from the situation. Seeing this was the reason Severus stopped.

But as Remus' retreating figure assumed that Severus was not going to finish with "...stupid a plan. Remus and I are real." But alas, Severus did not have time to say this, as Sirius had acted upon the former of the sentence.

"Remus come back," Severus said urgently.

Unthinking, Remus just continued on his way.

"How could you do this to your best friend?" Severus snapped, turning on Sirius who had, in fact, been examining books on the shelf near them.

"Me?" Sirius asked, turning to face Severus, whom he was surprised to find; was write beside him.

"Yes. You," Severus answered, jabbing his wand against Sirius' chest in emphasis.

"Is this your little...rendezvous...area, then, is it? 'I am going to study...Severus' anatomy'" Sirius growled.

"Leave us alone," Severus retorted, backing away from Sirius and turning to follow Remus out of the door, as he made to get away; no destination in mind.

However, as Severus neared the door James rounded the corner.

"Going somewhere, Sniv?" he taunted.

Severus turned back in time to see Sirius put a certain communicating mirror back into his pocket.

"Get out of my way," Severus said in a low, fierce voice.

"I think Snivellus needs to learn some manners," James replied with a swift glance at Sirius.

Knowingly, Severus made to raise his wand.

Before he had managed, however, Severus had been shot in the back with a stinging jinx.

"Levicorpus," James muttered, levitating Severus from the floor to the ceiling; eye level with even the highest shelves in the library.

Leaving Severus hanging, James went over to Sirius to get the full story.

"What happened then, Padfoot?" James asked, throwing an arm around Sirius, "What have we discovered?"

"That Severus doesn't taste as bad as he smells," Sirius muttered, only half grinning.

"What?" James said, seemingly too loud.

"Long story..." Sirius said as he began to sway slightly on his feet.

"Are you okay?" James asked, ignoring the shouts of Severus in the air behind them.

"I'm absolutely fine," Sirius lied, pulling away from James and heading over to stand beneath Severus.

"Petrificus To-"

"Protego!" Severus shouted; his wand still in his hand.

The spell would, of course, not usually affect the opposition greatly. As it was, though, Sirius was hit square in the chest, with the spell, and sent flying back into many shelves; creating an extraordinary domino effect.

Rushing over to the unconscious Sirius, James silently panicked that his friend was okay.

"What potion did he take?" Madame Pomfrey asked James as he sat beside Sirius in the hospital wing.

"I don't know," James answered; running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Is there anyone in the vicinity who will know?" she asked him kindly.

"Slughorn, perhaps, maybe Remus or Sni- Snape," James responded.

The two of them glanced over at the bed furthest away hosting Severus' faint form.

"Let us hope your entire school year are not dropping unconscious for no reason," Madame Pomfrey muttered as she walked over to fetch something from the cupboard.

"It was him," James went on, "Snape. Cursed Padf- Sirius in the library."

Turning back, surprised, Madame Pomfrey stood observing James, "Is this the truth?"

"It is, I swear it," he replied, "Knocked him into a great stack of books."

Madame Pomfrey drew her wand and separated the hospital wing in two – parting James and Sirius, and Severus.

"I will be back momentarily," she said, "Keep an eye on him," she finished with a nod to Sirius, and then was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**It's been far too long for an update, to say the least. But I am slowly regaining the..confidence..to attempt other ideas. Well, not quite. But. An explanation is unecessary. Nonetheless, here we go...**

James turned back to see Sirius stirring slightly.

"Sirius," he prompted, shaking his friend slightly.

"Mmph," Sirius merely replied, shuffling beneath the sheet upon him.

"Listen to me," James urged as he stood by Sirius' bedside, impatiently clutching at the bar beside the bed.

"What?" came Sirius' muffled response.

"Pomfrey will be back any minute, with Dumbledore, no doubt," James began in a rush, "What do you intend to say?"

"The truth," Sirius answered almost immediately.

Before James could request that Sirius elaborates, Remus burst through the doors.

He paused to observe Sirius lying half asleep in the bed.

"What happened?" he asked outright, nearing Sirius and James.

James took a deep breath, before deciding that he was the only one well enough to convey the events.

"Well, after you had gone, I e-"

"It was him," Sirius said, raising a shaking finger to point over to Severus' bed.

Almost as soon as Remus recognised the figure in the bed opposite, he sighed, before adding bitterly, "I didn't realise this was an appropriate way to react to one you had been kissing not a moment sooner."

"Kissing?!" James cried, looking across the Severus' bed in disgust, before casting the same disbelieving look to Sirius.

"I-" Sirius paused, closing his eyes again as the world shook, "I wouldn't intentionally kiss him if you paid me to – it wasn't my fault."

Remus could only bring himself to believe fifty percent of the statement.

"You kissed Snivellus," James repeated, looking as though he too were ready to collapse.

"So did Remus," Sirius wheezed, "He'll be on you next, Prongs."

As James began to look a pale green colour, the doors flew open.

"-a small sample of it is absolutely fine," Madame Pomfrey said, pushing open the doors to allow Professor Slughorn through them too.

"I can simply assure you it was Polyjuice that young Sirius had been brewing," Slughorn said, sounding weary, "I have been in this business a fair more amount of years than I care to admit," he went on, pausing to look across at Sirius, Remus and James.

"Sirius was brewing Polyjuice?" Remus asked, turning to Slughorn.

"Well of course – you must have spotted it when you were looking for him," Slughorn answered him.

"'Looking for him,' Sir, I wasn't," Remus went on; a small crease forming between his eyes.

"You were in my classroom earlier," Slughorn said, bewildered.

"...Sorry?" Remus was equally confused.

Rather than answering, Slughorn closed his eyes briefly and shook his head, "Of course, of course," he kept muttering.

When he parted his lids, he noted that Remus' uniform was a reasonable fit – not too large at all, as it had been earlier.

"Sirius Black used Polyjuice potion to look like you, Remus," Slughorn said aloud, peering past Remus to look at the guilty looking marauder lying in the bed, pretending to be asleep.

"He wanted to know who it was I was dating," Remus whispered silently, tearing his gaze away from Slughorn's to look over at Severus, who appeared to be slowly sitting upright.

"All I am interested to know is why the boy appears to be ill, after this," Madame Pomfrey interjected before anyone could comment on Remus' mild epiphany.

A voice over the other side of the room spoke out, "He messed up the stirring."

Several faces turned to look at Severus, propping himself up on his arm.

Madame Pomfrey immediately stepped forth to sort out the boy's pillows, briskly moving his arm away to ensure he was well.

"The stirring?" Remus asked.

"He stirred it too many times clockwise," Severus pointed out, for Remus' benefit alone.

Slughorn was already nodding in a quiet understanding.

"Didn't you know this already, Sir?" James said. It seemed everyone had forgotten his presence, due to his lack of verbal participation.

"It didn't even cross my mind," Slughorn answered honestly, "I was naive enough to assume he was trying out something as practise for the exam."

No longer listening, Remus was making his way over to Severus, in a small mingle of anticipation.

"Sirius Black is going to pay for this," Severus spat.

"He sure is," Remus agreed softly.

"I honestly had no idea," Severus began carefully.

"Neither did I," Remus shrugged.

Severus' breathing seemed to be gaining haste, and it didn't take long for Madame Pomfrey to attempt to usher Severus to lie back down.

"He'll pay for it," Severus growled.

Remus, in agreement, looked over to Sirius' bed, before adding quietly, "Okay...but for now, he needs to rest."

Madame Pomfrey nodded in agreement with Remus.

"You're too kind," Severus pointed out, stopping his movement to withdraw his wand.

"But you love me for it," Remus answered, reaching out to take Severus' hand.

"That I do," Severus agreed, clasping their hands together.

* * *

**It probably could have been a lot, lot better. Perhaps another day, I'll come to rewrite it. We'll see.**

**Allow me to say thanks for your patience :)**

**I hope everything is well, for you all.**


End file.
